The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,400 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 40 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Cheers.

Not me.

I started searching for furniture this week and realized that I might be able to save a considerable amount of money by waiting until Black Friday to make purchases. I also started reading a bunch of comments on message boards, etc. that led me to realize how silly, unintelligent, and antiquated a lot of thinking in this country is.

A surprising number of people claim they’ll spend 25% more on a purchase for the satisfaction of knowing it was made in America, and their purchase supports American jobs. Really? In this economy, when people are perching pennies and times are supposedly tight? Something just doesn’t add up. We’re talking about a country who can’t see the forest for the trees when it comes to politics and voting. A country who was overtaken with the promise of hope in Barack Obama, but dropped support for the man in dramatic numbers when their own microcosms weren’t instantly bettered. Yes, Obama promised more jobs (every candidate does); it doesn’t happen overnight. This isn’t a political diatribe–I’m just pointing out that the US is a nation largely comprised of people who are self-involved and feel entitled. And I think it’s foolish to blame this on generational dynamics, or assume it’s just America’s youth: look how many out-of-work baby boomers feel slighted by a system that no longer needed their jobs. When you can be replaced by something that works better, is faster, cheaper, younger–whatever, it’s frankly a stupid decision not to go for the better option. Horses replaced traveling on foot and cars took the place of horses. Environmental factors aside, is this improved efficiency a negative in any way?

Whining about a change to the status quo might make you feel better, but it’s not doing anything productive. This model of replacement and social evolution can be seen everywhere and it never fails to surprise me that people complain about streamlining–but only when it affects them negatively. Put succinctly, not only young people are whiny and entitled.

This brings me to my big point: supporting the American economy by only buying from ourselves is a ridiculous plan that will lead to failure. Remember when communism mandated buying only from the mother country? Didn’t really work out for them. And with the advent of the internet, the world has truly shrunk. It has broken boundaries and erased borders. I’m not sure that divisions between countries really will continue to serve a purpose for much longer. If people can get better things cheaper by going abroad, it seems to me that eventually we’ll reach an equilibrium. The market pays a fair price for things. And if labor is cheaper abroad, it might just be because we’re overcharging domestically. Doesn’t seem very American to me. Only buying American might save a few domestic jobs in the short run, but it’ll make us a country that desperately needs itself and becomes isolated from a world that’s learning to create efficiency and scale by cooperating.

Instead, I propose buying only the best. When people’s backs are against the wall and they become inviable (professionally speaking–I’m not a Terminator), they’ll be pushed to find a way to contribute. Build. Add value. When faced with no alternative, people suddenly realize they’re more creative than they thought. This is the blueprint of progress. This drives exciting innovations and pushes the human race forward. And make no mistake–Earth is a lifeboat. We’re all in it together. If an astroid hits the planet and causes catastrophe, it won’t respect our silly imaginary lines or our fences and walls. If we all work together, though, we might just make it. So buy only American if you want. But your neighbor will, at some point, be able to get better for cheaper and pass you by. It’s inevitable. As is progress.

The show capitalizes on two different television genres and blends them into one, glorious entertainment factory. We take the actors behind popular fictional characters and put them into real-life situations–like a reality show. It’s called “…But I Play One On TV.” I got to dreaming this up after watching 3 seasons of “House MD” on DVD in about two weeks. Only 60 hours of entertainment later, it dawned on me that after having to rattle off lines of symptoms and diagnoses for years, Hugh Laurie, Omar Epps, Jesse Spencer, and company might actually have some working knowledge of differential diagnostics. And because real doctors are on set providing tips for accuracy and authenticity, the actors might actually be able to intubate somebody in a pinch. I mean, you have to wonder if Hugh Laurie would start slipping into a nasally American accent and delivering witty repartees out of habit.

For added fun, we’d keep score. Because it’s unlikely that actors that play TV doctors would be able to successfully complete EVERY procedure…and we still need a winner even if the patient died from a stupid human error. Hey: if you want to make an omelette, you’re gonna break some eggs.

This concept is brilliant. I know it, and I know YOU know it. You’re already wishing you’d have thought of it first. Alas, here is a post with an undeniable, glaring timestamp. Proof that I’m quicker than you.

I know what you’re thinking: maybe you can build on this idea. Enhance it so you can be part of the success story! Sorry. That’s already thought of, too.

The best part of “…But I Play One On TV” is that the concept is scalable. There are countless other sitcoms and dramas with characters that work. Instead of limiting this to doctors and the medical profession, we get to see Sam Waterson try to prosecute a defendant. Rainn Wilson sell office products. Aziz Ansari work as a park ranger. Michael C. Hall analyze bloodstain patterns–and maybe even kill somebody (probably not).

Can you imagine flipping through channels and suddenly stopping to watch Benson and Stabler catch the pervs of New York? Then you realize it’s not “Law & Order: SVU”–it’s Mariska Hargitay and Christopher Meloni dressed like Benson and Stabler, trying to catch real world sex offenders!

Ooh, I know! You thought of another way to improve this idea. BAM. Sorry, I thought of that, too. We can use actors from TV shows that have ended their run. Woody Harrelson bar. Kevin James delivers parcels. Genius, and a deep well of potential content.

Best of all, we could make it competitive. Zach Braff and Hugh Laurie have to face off against each other to see who can diagnose a patient first. Only half credit to the winning actor if the real-life patient dies before they complete treatment.

This is the shot in the arm the networks (and the American people) need. I’m just glad I’m still a generous enough human to come up with ideas to entertain you simple folk.

If you’re going to recycle a children’s fad as a movie, do it the right way. Like “Josie and the Pussycats.”

I was walking through San Francisco’s Panhandle Park. Sure, I can go every which way on foot, but it takes FOREVS to get from one end of the park to the other. Still, I can walk into the middle of the street and stand there for hours if I want to (I don’t).

A bike increases my speed from one side to the other, but decreases my freedom. I can go ALMOST anywhere, but it’s tough to climb a tree with a bike. Also, riding through grass can be a pain when you don’t have knobby tires.

Scooters are even faster! But a Vespa isn’t allowed on sidewalks. And paying for gas makes it a bit of a tradeoff. Still, pretty cool to be able to get around quicker. And to be able to cut through narrow alleyways in European cities if I’m ever involved in a chase. Which seems pretty likely, since it happens in just about every action movie with scenes in Europe these days…

Cars. Even faster! Bigger! Easier to crush things and people, but tougher to move around in. Probably on account of all the one-way streets and no-U-turn signs. But it’s easier to bring groceries home in the trunk than it is to dangle grocery bags off your handlebars. That, and go up a hill.

Modern trains are even quicker. There’s no traffic. And you can sleep while the vehicle is moving! (Actually, you can do this in a car too, but I don’t recommend it. Especially for drivers.) The trade-off is that you can only go where the track goes, and you can’t stop the train anywhere you like. Unlike a stupid cow, which can fall asleep on a train track. Cows = 1, humans = 0.

And then there’s the airplane. We’re freaking flying through the air!!! But only from one special building to another special building. And you have to be accosted on either end. But you’re in the sky. And you should have a lot more freedom…except that there are flight routes and a dorky guy with a mustache and a short-sleeve dress shirt in the control tower gets to tell the plane where to go and when it can land. Not so free, but definitely faster.

Finally, we have spaceships. These travel faster than anything–especially when they move opposite the Earth’s rotation. And gravity can’t tell you NOTHIN’. But this weightless liberty comes at a price: you don’t even get to control the craft. At least on an airplane, you have a pilot. But spaceships get controlled remotely by the state of Texas. Ironic. Cruel.

If somebody would just invent and commoditize the personal jetpack already, I’d be SO excited. It could be all my birthday and Christmas presents for the rest of my life.

You can see more of his shots at iantulk.com.  Let us know what you think.

You can see more of his shots at iantulk.com.  Let us know what you think.